It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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