they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
