im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
