Me too!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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