I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
