just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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