mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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