Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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