made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come on in and take your pants off
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