it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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