I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
