She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
