I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
