so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
These tits shall not be calmed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
