I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
