I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
