U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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