I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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