I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
