Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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