She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
