Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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