Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
