Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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