If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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