Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
