You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
