Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We named our party play list daddy issues
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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