So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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