i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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