3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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