Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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