Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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