And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
