My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
