Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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