so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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