Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A+ Viking dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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