My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
