Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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