I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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