okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cut my penus on the lid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
