We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
