Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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