I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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