Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
