Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
