Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
