I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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