Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As shirtless as possible
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
