I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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