At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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