This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
