The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
