No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
