I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
