The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
