just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
