have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
