i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
