You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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