hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
