I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
