nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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