When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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