so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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