did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
