I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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