apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
