I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
