I think my vagina is haunted
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Randomize
