hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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