I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
