would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
