He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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