Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
