he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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