How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
