And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this hospital has no fireball
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
