I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
