If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
