i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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