I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
